In life there are certain rules to follow. For example:
- At the Donut Shop- know what you want before you approach the counter. It's not that hard. Your indecisiveness costs me precious minutes during my commute to work. I only allow 3 minutes for stopping at the Donut Shop. Every second counts, that's why when I see a child getting out of their parents car I sprint inside in order to get ahead of them. I am ashamed of this behavior, but in my defense it's been my experience that children are the slowest orderes of donuts. Same rules apply in the Chick-Fil-A drive thru- really, it's chicken or chicken, not so hard. Apparently "orderers" isn't a word... just follow along.
- Always carry your ID with you. This will save you trips to the car when an overzealous front desk person decides to be the key Nazi. After presenting your ID be prepared to explain your married name vs. your maiden name. This is more complicated if you are employed by a company with multiple last names in the title. Which one are you? Um, neither, at least not anymore.
- Hide all credit card bills from the husband. If asked to explain let him know that 1) You work too 2) Those are the shirts I bought for YOU and 3) Deny, Deny, Deny **I don't actually recommend this behavior. It's probably best to discuss finances with your husband.
- If a book doesn't grab your attention within the first 25 pages, put it down and move on with your life. Chances are it's not going to get any better.
- The cost of seeing a movie in this town has skyrocketed to $9.00! Highway robbery! I suggest you attend the matinee or pretend to be under 10 or over 65. Good luck with that.
- My previously lackluster brown hair is still lackluster and now peppered with gray hairs. (I can't believe I just admitted that). I'm waiting for B to get back into town so her and LoB can give me a makeover. On another note- I've found the upside to having naturally curly hair (besides the fact that it takes me 5 minutes in the morning to make it look decent) the curls hide the gray. Let's all race out and get a perm.
- My obsession with Diet Coke has reached a new platform. I pick my lunch/ dinner spots by their drink choices. I've basically eliminated all restaurants that serve the other brand.
- Dude pulling out of his parking spot at the Donut Shop yesterday- don't ever give me a look like that again. If you do I will be forced to call you out and we'll throw down in the parking lot. I know you've got at least 50 lbs on me, but I can be pretty scrappy. I've also got age on my side. I was in a parking spot- defined by the single white lines on either side of my car. It's not my fault you can't figure out how to back out in your station wagon (not actually a station wagon, but I thought it sounded good).
Hmmm, can you tell I'm a regular at the Donut Shop?
Promoted to Vice President of Breakfast. Two chocolate glazed please.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
You're too funny! Oh, and I totally agree about knowing what you want at the donut shop. I also think that if you want to choose each of your 3 dozen mixed donuts, you should have to call in your order in advance. I had to leave donutless once because a woman chose not to order in advance. I was hungry and angry.
Post a Comment