Ooh That Smell

Thursday night I returned to my home after a hard days work at my real job, my second job and on the softball field. I walked into a darkened house through the garage and was hit smack in the face with the most disgusting stench you can imagine. I exclaimed to no one in particular, "What's that smell? Nastiness!" To which Honeybun answered, "I don't know. I smelled it too." Thinking the grossness was due to the fact I was a little behind on the laundry I threw a load in and crossed my fingers. Fast forward to Friday- same stench, different day. Saturday morning comes, I gear up for an entire day filled with cleaning the house. I am going to get to the bottom of the problem. I cleaned high and low. Stripped the sheets & the mattress pads, washed the rugs, dusted, vacuumed and scrubbed my house like it's never been scrubbed before. The whole event took me all day. Did it get rid of the smell? Negative. Out of desperation I invited Mom & LoB over to sniff and help me figure out where it was coming from. Mom thought maybe Satchmo the wonder cat had killed a mouse and hid it under the washing machine- nope, not there. Back to square one.

Honeybun came home Saturday after a long hard day of golfing to exclaim he didn't smell anything anymore. Score one for me. Thinking I had conquered the unconquerable I headed out to watch the Hot Rods "play" baseball (that's a whole other post). I returned home after 4 hours of sitting in the heat watching a 12 inning baseball game only to be devastated that I could still smell whatever the hell smelled. Sunday was the same story on a different day. Four days have passed since I first sniffed the stink. Honeybun's getting a little tired of hearing me bitch and frankly, I'm a little tired of bitching. Last night around 7:30 I hear drawers and doors slamming in the back of the house. Honeybun is pulling on his Carharts (aka work clothes). Making conversation I ask, "What are you doing?" He says, "I'm going under the house to see if anything is under there." I think he meant to say, "I'm going under the house just to make you happy and you'll quit bitching about the smell that I can't even smell. I hope I don't find anything there. That will prove my theory that you are expecting to smell something so you think you are smelling it when really nothing stinks."

Ten minutes later Honeybun comes busting through the door.
Honeybun- "Give me a trash bag!"
Okay. Here's a trash bag. What was it?
Honeybun- "The most disgusting thing I've seen in my entire life. A ground hog is under there dead and rotting- complete with maggots."
Throw up in my mouth.
Honeybun- Calls the neighbor- "Come on man, be a pal & help me out." No way says neighbor, but I'll come over and make fun of you.
Me- Basking in the glory that I was right, it still smelled and hopeful my house would smell normal soon.

Moral to the story- If your house stinks and a good cleaning doesn't help, search high and low for dead animals.

Promoted to Vice President of Animal Control.