Pretty Bird

On my way to work a bird committed suicide. That's right, I didn't kill the bird, it committed suicide. Get the facts straight. Also, it is important to note that this bird is a red bird, a Cardinal. The state bird of Kentucky.

The day started out just like so many others. Late to shower, late to leave, going to be late to work. I was cruising down Plano Road at an estimated speed of 47 mph when I passed by Plano Elementary. Low and behold a bird flew from the sky, swooped down and committed suicide by hitting my car. My thought was, "I hope this doesn't leave a mark" and continued on my way thinking that the bird was somewhere on Plano Road.

I left work at lunch and ran some errands. I stopped by two banks, returned Honeybun's tux, went into CVS, drove thru Subway, dropped a dress off at the cleaners and headed back to work. I exited my car, walked around the back of the car to the mailbox, came back, opened the passenger door of the car so I could get my crap out to take in with me. I proceeded to walk in front of my car to the office door. I went crazy psycho, freaked, covered my mouth in case vomit came out and ran the other way around the car to the office door. Why you ask? Simple reason- THE BIRD WAS STUCK IN THE GRILL OF MY CAR. Yes, you heard me right. The RED cardinal was stuck in the front of my car for a whole half of a day without me knowing!! Now I am thinking back- is that why the people at the bank were so slow in helping me? Was I getting weird looks from fellow drivers because I've been driving around with a dead bird stuck in the front of my car? I completed a mile loop around work today to lots of places I normally go with a red bird stuck head first in the grill of my car. I can't even tell you how grossed out I am. El presidente is going to have to man up to pull the thing out for me. I am avoiding looking out the window because I am afraid of what I might see. If el presidente doesn't man up, Honeybun is going to have to do it. That's what we got married for, right? No way am I going to "dispose" of the bird. I get the heebie jeebies just thinking about touching it. If it means I have to drive through town on the way home from work with a bird stuck in my car, then so be it. Honk and wave if you see me and my new pet.


Promoted to Vice President of Animal Control.